The Silence
by ekc293
Summary: These things couldn't go unspoken. The silence couldn't last forever. Angsty, Season 4 speculation. Contains "spoilers" & some swearing.
1. The Loft

Hello there! Thought I'd give you this. If you ignored my warning in the description... this contains finale spoilers. So if you _still_ haven't seen it... I suggest you stop reading now.  
>I personally haven't read anything like this before... but with all the Season 4 speculation going around there are probably dozens of these stories and I just don't even know it.<br>Hopefully it's not _too _OOC. I just kind of let the characters go where they wanted to go and this came out. Maybe it's not show worthy... but it certainly sounds like an argument that could happen in my life... hahaha. Oh boy... that's pathetic.

**Disclaimer**: If you recognize this... I don't own it. This is just _my_ speculation.

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><p>When Rick walked through the door to his apartment that evening, the only thing he wanted was to grab a drink of something strong and immediately go to bed and sleep for the next three years. He thoroughly intended to do just that as he locked the door behind him. He knew that Alexis hadn't had any plans and had spent the night in, and his mother was putting some last minute touches on her acting school, so his plan seemed full-proof.<p>

He was exhausted in every sense of the word.

It was the first time Rick had been back in the loft since Kate had been admitted to the hospital, four days before. His mother had packed him some clothes, and he had been washing himself in the sink in the bathroom down the hall from Kate's room and eating in the hospital's cafeteria.

Kate had woken up two days before, in a considerable amount of pain and completely shocked to discover that Castle had not left her side. She questioned the bump on the side of his face, and he admitted that he had gotten into a little bit of a tussle with her boyfriend. She was not amused. Neither was he, but what mattered was that he had earned his right to stay by her side. Kate didn't seem to mind him being there.

But half an hour earlier Kate and Rick had gotten into a disagreement that had made the monitors go crazy. The nurses had run in while Kate and Rick were screaming at each other, and eventually her doctor came in and physically forced him out of the room and told him that he wasn't allowed to come back for at least a day.

Rick rubbed his stubbled chin with his hand and began to walk towards the kitchen towards his liquor cabinet. He found Alexis, sitting at the bar with a steaming cup of tea in front of her and a book lying flat in front of her, headphones in her ears.

As Rick passed her, he leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek before moving further into the kitchen. She looked up, surprised. She immediately took out her ear buds and closed her book.

"You're home?" She said, shocked.

He mumbled an affirmation, "Doc finally kicked me out."

The answer hung heavy in the air between them.

"Any… reason why?" she pressed.

Rick stopped rummaging around the cabinet and took up a stance leaning against the island in the kitchen. He sighed.

"Kate and I got into a little spat. Doctor was convinced it was hurting her recovery." He shrugged.

Alexis knew he wasn't telling her everything. She lifted herself off of the barstool she was seated on and went to stand on the other side of the island.

"You fought? About what?"

Rick gave her a look that said he wasn't going to talk about it. She gave him the look that said he certainly was. He caved first.

"She keeps asking the hospital staff when she is going to get out of the hospital." He sighed, "She wants to get right back out there and dive into her mother's case. She thinks we're so close. I told her that she wasn't ever going back to that case. Not after this. She said I had no authority to tell her what to do, and then I told her that she was going to get herself killed… Regardless, hurtful things were said on both ends and our blood pressures rose quite high and then they told me not to come back until tomorrow."

Alexis mumbled something under her breath.

Rick looked at her curiously, "Hm? What was that?"

Alexis looked at him for a moment, deciding if this was the right time for this conversation. She seemed to make up her mind as she took a deep breath and repeated what she had just said.

"I said… maybe it would be better if you didn't go back at all."

Rick looked at her, his brow furrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She shrugged, trying to look as if this conversation wasn't making her heartbeat go crazy.

"Exactly what it sounds like. Perhaps it would be better for both of you if you never went back."

"Where is this coming from?" He asked, exhaustion seeping into his voice.

She just looked at him, "Really? You know exactly where this is coming from."

He did. He had seen his daughter's face at the funeral and later at the hospital. This conversation had everything to do with the events that had transpired just a few days before. But he wasn't ready to have this conversation yet.

"Alexis… I'm tired. We'll talk about this in the morning…"

"You do that all the time!" She said, her voice raising slightly, "deflecting any important conversation to another time. If we don't talk about this now, we never will."

He tried to play the strict father at another attempt to avoid having this conversation right now. He really wasn't ready. "Hey, watch yourself. Don't talk to me like that… I'm your father."

She scoffed, "Occasionally…"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh… you're my dad alright… whenever Kate doesn't need you."

"Is that what this is about?" Rick sighed, exasperated, but relieved. "You don't like that I spend so much time with Kate?" He looked at her and watched as her face became slightly redder. His daughter was jealous. Well, that was something he could easily fix. "Pumpkin, we can spend more time together if you want. You know you'll always be my number one girl."

The apartment was silent for a moment. She locked her jaw, and Rick knew that this was about to spin out of control. Quickly. He had never seen his daughter look so defensive.

"That's not what this is about and you know it…" She said lowly, the edge so sharp it could cut through the countertop in front of her.

"Then what is this about?"

"Dad!" She snapped, "Stop avoiding the conversation!"

"Alexis…" He sighed

She cut him off.

"How can you be so blind, Dad?"

He almost asked her what she meant, but her glare stopped him. She was serious. He had always made it a point to listen to everything she said whenever she was upset before cutting in. It had worked for him in the past, so he stuck with it. A moment passed, and Alexis began to speak again.

"I don't understand, Dad. You see what's happening around her and yet you still go through with it. You see what it does to her, and we see what it does to you. It's not a game anymore, Dad. And how does she not see what it's doing to the people who love you? It's not fair..."

She was rambling, and not making much sense. He tried to cut her off.

"Alexis…"

Her voice grew louder.

"…This isn't your job. It's not right. And it's so wrong of _her_ to keep you there when she knows what can happen…"

"Sweetheart…"

She was screaming now, her blue eyes shining.

"…It's not okay anymore, Dad. Alright? You've seen what can happen and I can't happen to you, too…."

"Alexis!"

The next words that came out of her mouth were prefaced with a sound that could only be characterized as a growl.

"Dad, she's going to get you killed!"

The silence that echoed throughout the room was deafening. Everything else fell away except for Rick and Alexis, standing on opposite sides of the island in the middle of the kitchen, palms flat on the table.

Rick looked at his daughter. Her cheeks were flushed, red from anger and emotion. Her nostrils were flaring, and while he knew she was trying to control her breathing, he couldn't hear it. The tears he had seen brimming in the corner of her eyes finally spilled over, running down her cheeks silently as she glared at him with eyes full of anger and something he couldn't quite point his finger on at the moment. However, it only took him moments to realize that the underlying emotion was fear.

"Dad! She was SHOT. At a FUNERAL."

Rick found himself unable to think of anything to say. The thoughts were running through his head at a mile a minute and nothing was making sense. Alexis kept going.

"You tried to push her out of the way, Dad."

He knew what she was implying and dropped his gaze to the countertop in front of him. If had been quicker, he would've been the one to get shot. He would've been the one bleeding out in the cemetery. He might not have been as lucky as Kate was.

Rick wanted to defend himself. He wanted to say that it was protective instinct that made him try to knock Kate out of the way, a subconscious reaction to comprehending imminent danger and trying to make sure no one was hurt. It wasn't entirely a lie. Rick doesn't really remember what had been going through his mind in the brief seconds that spanned between his recognition of the sniper's gun in the distance and watching Kate crumple from her spot at the pulpit in front of Montgomery's friends and family. He lifted his eyes away from the surface in front of him.

One look in Alexis' eyes and he knew that she knew everything.

He didn't regret trying to jump in front of her. His only regret about the entire situation was that he didn't realize what the flash in the distance he said he saw in his statement was until it was too late.

She knew that if a similar situation arose in the future, he would jump in front of her again in a heartbeat.

And he wouldn't regret it.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and started to speak, "Alexis…" He quickly found that he couldn't find anything else to say.

"What, Dad? Are you going to try and tell me that it won't be you? That you're going to fine? You were FIVE FEET AWAY from getting shot, Dad. And if you had been faster, it would've been you…" Alexis took a deep breath, but her voice didn't lower in volume as she kept on yelling. "What I want to know, Dad… is how many times this has happened before and Grams and I haven't known about it. How many times have you pushed _her_ out of the way of a bullet? How many times have you tried to save _her_ life by undoubtedly putting yourself at risk? How many times have you tried to die for _Detective Kate Beckett,_ Dad?"

Every time a mention of Kate came out of his daughter's mouth, she sneered her name as if it was a curse; the name of a dirty demon from Hell that needed to be exorcised from her tongue.

It broke his heart.

He had absolutely no intention just how many times he had saved Kate's life. If he had anything to say about it, Alexis was never going to find out about any of the things he's done. He wasn't ever going to tell her about Coonan (he told her that Kate shot the man who killed her mother. He never told her that it was because he was holding him at gunpoint). He wasn't going to tell her about beating up Lockwood in that warehouse because he was about to shoot Kate (she had seen the bandages when she got home, but he just said he hurt it during a dare when he had to fight Esposito). She was never going to find out about just how close they had been with the radiation in the storage locker. She never had to know about how close to death they had come in that freezer (she had known they had been stuck in one, she didn't know that they lost consciousness). Alexis was never going to know that there was a dirty bomb in the city and that they had been saved with a second to spare. She wasn't going to find out about any of that. Ever.

Before he could even stop it, one of the few thoughts that had been consistently spinning around in his head tumbled from his lips, the sound ripping violently from his throat as he yelled back at his daughter. They rarely fought and Rick absolutely hated to raise his voice at his daughter, even when it was warranted.

"Alexis, she needs me!"

There was a brief moment when the shock flittered across Alexis' face at her father's voice, but it was quickly replaced by disbelief at what Rick had just said.

Then she started laughing.

"You really… think… that she needs you?" She said, leaning over her side of the counter. Then, with a speed and strength Rick didn't know she possessed, she threw herself away from the counter, all traces of laughter gone and the mask of anger in anger.

"You really think she needs you, Dad?" She screamed. "Well… I'm sorry to inform you, but you've got that ass backwards."

Rick gave her a look for the swear, but she kept yelling with vengeance.

"She doesn't need you, Dad. YOU are the one who so desperately needs her. You cannot think for a minute that she doesn't know why you follow her around anymore. And you know what? At first, it was cute… that you were so… smitten with this beautiful woman who didn't treat you any different than she would treat her other friends. And she was good for you. She made you serious. You wanted to be better to be… I don't know… worthy of her affections. Well the show is over, Dad and I hate to be the one to say it but since you can't see it yourself, someone has to." By now she had migrated out of the kitchen and was standing by the edge of the living room, one hand on the back of the sofa, the other angrily pointing at her father.

"You have to know that you don't have a chance in _hell _with Detective Beckett..."

As soon as she said it, she instantly regretted it. But there was no going back. Not anymore.

"You've been following her around for three years, Dad. If she wanted to be with you, it would've happened by now. And now she's had a boyfriend for almost a year and you are still here… pinning… over some pretty little brown haired Detective who is never going to want you back!"

At this point, Rick had moved towards the kitchen, his fists clenching with anger. He attempted to lower his voice, "Alexis… stop."

"Why, Dad? So you can lie to yourself some more?"

"Alexis…"

"My goodness, Dad. Your books are basically three hundred page love letters, complete with dedications. Do you think she doesn't know?"

His voice rose, trying to be firm, "Alexis…"

"You're doing all of this for nothing!"

"I mean it…"

"She doesn't love you, Dad!"

"STOP IT." Rick yelled, losing control of everything. His right arm lashed out with anger and sent the lamp on his end table flying through the air and shattering on the floor beside them.

They weren't sure how long they stood there, glaring at each other, Alexis' eyes filled with rage, Rick's filled with anguish.

Alexis spoke again, her voice taking on an icy quality that Rick didn't know his baby's voice could possess.

"You know? I thought that she would understand. I stupidly thought that she cared enough about me to protect you with everything she had so I would never have to understand what it felt like to lose a parent so violently… but, I guess I was wrong."

Alexis broke eye contact and moved towards the staircase. When she reached the bottom, she turned back towards her father again.

"I think _you_ need to straighten out your priorities and decide which is more important; your family, or your detective."

Rick didn't remember watching Alexis walk up the stairs, but he certainly heard her bedroom door slam shut. Shortly after the sound stopped echoing in his ears, he collapsed, exhausted, onto the couch and put his head in his hands. His eyes filled with moisture as he was left alone to think about everything his daughter had said. She was right about so many things, but wrong about so many others.

His head hurt.

His heart hurt.

And the silence that fell in the loft had never been so loud.

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><p>So... reading over it again I feel as though it's kind of rushed.<br>And not as good as I expected it to be.  
>But... we all know I am my own worst critic.<br>So I'll leave the judgment up to you.

**editAugust9th*** Alright... I told myself that I was just going to let you all think what you wanted to about the ending, but in typical me fashion, I'm now here defending where I went with the argument. Alexis saying Castle doesn't stand a chance with Kate: OOC for Alexis? Yes, _normally_. I wrote Alexis as an extremely angry teenager. We've never seen that side of her before. Besides one stint in Law & Murder, I don't think we've ever seen her really angry. So, as a person fueled by anger, she said some things that she didn't mean. I'm sure you all can recall an argument in which you were so angry you said something just to intentionally hurt the other person, or someone said something to you the completely knocked you back. You/They might not have meant it... but once you say/hear something it can't be unsaid/unheard. _That's_ why that's in there.  
>But... to appease you, I added an extra sentence in the story. I think it makes her seem a little more like the Alexis we normally see.<br>Now I'm done...  
><strong>Love it? Hate it? Let me know what you think.<strong>


	2. The Hospital

Well... I figured if I was going to screw up your perceptions of how these characters are acting, I might as well finish the job. I think it's still OOC... Kris tells me it isn't.  
>I'll let you all decide.<br>Warning: This is based on spoilers. I figured since someone asked about that before... I should let you know. Sorry about that.

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><p>Kate wasn't sure how late it was when she heard the door to her hospital room creak open. She had been lying in bed with her eyes closed, thinking about the argument she had had with Castle earlier that evening. She was angry at him, no doubt, but she quickly realized that her anger wasn't entirely called for. He was her partner, after all. Even more so, even after the argument they had at her apartment the night before everything fell apart, she still considered him her friend. He was just trying to keep her safe. She could respect that and on some levels, she even appreciated it. But she still wasn't going to back down. This was about her mother after all. He was out of line with some of the things he said.<p>

When she heard the door creak open, she didn't even open her eyes. She knew it would be Castle. Kate took a deep breath.

"Castle, aren't you supposed to be at home?"

"Do you always just assume it's him?"

That hadn't been what she expected. She quickly opened her eyes and looked at the person standing just inside the room.

What she saw was a Castle, just not the one she expected.

"Alexis?" Kate moved so she could sit up a little straighter. "What are you doing here?"

She watched Alexis shift her weight from side to side, simply staring at Kate. It made her feel self-conscious. It looked as though she was trying to sort out her thoughts. Kate decided to help her along.

"Did something happen?"

Alexis dipped her head and bit her lip before quickly looking back up at Kate. Even from the distance Kate could see the fire burning behind her eyes.

"My dad and I had a fight… Probably the worst one we've ever had…"

"Does he know you're here?" Kate asked. If Alexis just left the house without reason, she knew Castle was probably going crazy wondering where she was.

Alexis gave Kate a wry smile, "No… he was on the couch when I left. Doesn't even know I'm gone."

An uncomfortable silence settled in the room, only to be disturbed every few moments by the beeping of some of the monitors keeping track of Kate's vitals. Kate was about to speak just to break the silence when Alexis began speaking again.

"We fought about you…" She said fiddling with a ring that her boyfriend had given her on her finger, "and how he'd do just about anything for you. Even if means getting himself killed."

Kate sat in her hospital bed, stunned. She didn't know how to respond.

"Alexis…" she started.

Alexis shook her head, "The first time I met you I never thought you would last. No… you walked into my Dad's book party and threw him off balance and it was a nice change of pace. He needed that, and I figured that after a couple of days he would get bored with playing Cop and he'd go back to being the writer…" she gave a little laugh, "and then he came home the night you solved the case and he immediately locked himself in his office and didn't come out until the next morning when he had a completed outline and five chapters done and ready to be sent to the publisher. He told me his idea and while he didn't say it out loud, I knew it was about you. And that was fine… he was writing again and smiling more and he just looked better than he had since the divorce. But then he started following you around…" Alexis looked up at Kate, who was staring at her unblinkingly, her breathing shallow.

"I've always worried about my Dad, Detective." Alexis continued, "He may make stupid mistakes and he may do childish things but I love him nonetheless. I was… _petrified_ when he told me that he was going to be shadowing an NYPD Detective. He assured me that he was going to be fine; that nothing was going to happen to him… And you were so good for him! You didn't put up with any of his crazy schemes or his inappropriate comments. He started acting more like an adult because he wanted to make you proud of him…"

Alexis trailed off, biting her lip again and returning her gaze to the floor.

Kate started to speak, "Alexis…"

Alexis cut her off again, her voice lowering to almost a whisper, "And then he tried to die for you."

Kate's heart beat sped up. She couldn't argue that. One of the last things she remembers before hitting the ground was feeling Castle run into her side. He must have seen the gunman in the distance while she was speaking. He tried to push her out of the way.

Alexis looked up at the sound of Kate's monitors becoming more active and moved a little closer toward the bed. As she got closer, Kate could see the moisture shining in her eyes.

_This is all your fault,_ the voice inside her head whispered. _You're the one who did this._

Alexis took a shuddering breath and looked Kate directly in the eye, her voice still quiet. "You know… I thought we had some… I don't know… unspoken understanding regarding my Dad. That… maybe because of what happened to your mom you wouldn't want that to happen to me, too…" she sniffed, the image of finding out her dad was dead flickering through her mind. Alexis shook her head to erase the picture.

Kate wanted to speak. She wanted to assure Alexis that she would never forgive herself if anything happened to Castle. She wanted to tell her that she's done everything she possibly can to keep him out of danger. But her tongue was heavy and her throat was dry and she couldn't find the words to appease the young woman that was standing in front of her.

The silence that filled the room only lasted a minute when Alexis cleared her throat. Her voice was stronger.

"But you keep leading him on, Detective. You keep letting him stick around when it's dangerous and he could get hurt or worse… and you know why he does it, right? You're not stupid. You have to see it? Kate, why are you doing this to him?"

Kate's eyes watered, but she refused to let any tears fall. All the answers she could come up with didn't seem appropriate to say to his daughter.

_Because he's always there._

_Because he makes me happy._

_Because I don't want to be alone anymore._

All of those reasons seemed so incredibly selfish now that she thought about it.

She was brought out of her thoughts when she realized that Alexis was still talking. "… And he's my father, Kate. My _dad_. He's all I have left and I can't lose him because you just can't let him go…"

Kate finally cut Alexis off, "So what do you want me to do about it?" Kate was surprised by how strong her voice sounded.

Alexis didn't even take the time to think, "I want you to be honest with him. If you feel even a fraction of what he feels for you, let him know. I would be fine with that… I'd make it work because you make him happy. You're the only one that can make him that happy. But if you don't… Just let him go. If you don't care about him then stop being so damn selfish and let him go. Let him try to move on from you…"

Kate wanted to tell Alexis that she truly cared about her father. She wanted to tell Alexis that they had said "always" and she meant it but Alexis wouldn't understand and probably didn't want to hear it right now and Kate wasn't sure she was ready to admit that to herself.

Alexis, unaware of where Kate's thoughts had drifted to, realized she was rambling so she paused and took another deep breath to compose her thoughts, "I want…" she started, "you to let my father be my Dad again."

Kate sighed, the tears nearly slipping out of the corner of her eyes. "You know you mean the world to him, Alexis. You're his everything."

Alexis shook her head, "I know my Dad loves me. What I'm saying is I'm not the only one he's willing to die for anymore."

Alexis listened as the monitors sped up again.

"I want my Dad to be there when I graduate high school, and college. I want my dad to walk me down the aisle and dance with me on my wedding day. I want my dad to help me raise my kids the same way he raised me… And he can't do that if he's dead."

Suddenly, a nurse rushed into Kate's room, concerned by the quick and steady acceleration of the beeping on the monitors.

"What is going on here?" The nurse said.

Kate opened her mouth but Alexis spoke first. "Nothing, I was just leaving." Alexis moved back over to the door and stopped. Turning around quickly, she spoke calmly.

"I hope you feel better soon, Detective."

And with that, Alexis walked out of the room.

The nurse who had interrupted their "conversation" quickly looked over Kate's monitors and charts and sighed. She looked at Kate, making sure nothing was bleeding or pulled and moved Kate so she was lying down again. Seeing Kate's expression, the nurse softened her gaze.

"Is everything alright?" she whispered, hoping it would have some sort of calming effect on her patient.

Kate took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Yes…" she said softly, "I'm fine."

The nurse gave her a look and Kate gave her a small smile in return. The nurse stood up, quickly fixed Kate's pillows and gave her an uncertain smile, "Alright, if you say so…" The nurse turned to move out of the room and called back over her shoulder, "Try to get some sleep, sweetie. It'll make you feel better."

Kate didn't respond and the nurse walked out of the room, shutting the solid door behind her.

For a moment, the room was silent except for the beeping of Kate's heart monitor.

Kate lifted her hands to her face and took a deep breath.

She hadn't been expecting the sob that burst past her lips, but she realized immediately she wasn't going to be able to stop it. It hurt to breath, and the sobs wracking her torso and shaking her body made the ache in her chest hurt more and more. The tears leaked out from the corner of her eyes and ran down her face, leaving trails down her cheeks to her chin, where they slid off her face and onto her hospital gown.

_You deserve this_, the voice inside her head whispered.

She sobbed harder.

_This is all your fault._

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><p>I'm just gonna stop...<em><br>_**Love it? Hate it? **Think I should just quit?** Let me know what you think**_.  
><em>


	3. The Question

So... I keep feeling like I keep writing myself into corners. But, I've come up with an idea.  
>I <strong>will <strong>be expanding on this story. But, it will only be maybe 2 more chapters.  
>That being said... I wanted to take a moment and thank everyone who has put this story on alertsfavorites/left a review. I never thought you guys would actually like the original oneshot... let alone want more.

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><p>When Rick woke up the next morning, the first thing he felt was the uncomfortable kink in his neck. He quickly assessed his surroundings and realized that he was in his living room, wearing the clothes from the day before. Rick glanced at his watch and saw that it was just before 8:30 in the morning, meaning Alexis had long since left for school already.<p>

Alexis.

Everything quickly came flooding back from the night before.

The fight with Kate.

Getting kicked out of the hospital.

Coming home to Alexis.

_Maybe it would be better if you didn't go back at all._

The yelling. The screaming.

_She's going to get you killed_.

_She doesn't love you._

The lamp.

The slamming door.

Collapsing onto the couch was the last thing he remembered.

Trying not to jostle himself too much, Rick lifted himself off of the couch, a blanket falling off his lap and onto the floor below him. He didn't remember covering himself up the night before. His mind quickly realized that Alexis must have come down from her room sometime during the night and covered him up.

His guilt increased ten-fold.

Taking a moment to stretch, Rick relished in the slight pain that came as he stretched out his sore muscles. His eyes scanned the room and fell upon the shattered lamp that lay in the middle of the floor.

Rick wasn't quite sure how long he had spent staring at the broken pieces of glass in front of him before he actually moved to get a cup of coffee from the kitchen.

He grabbed a mug from the cabinet over the counter and poured himself a cup of coffee, foregoing any additives and taking a sip of the steaming liquid black. The bitter beverage slid down the back of his throat, burning all the way down his esophagus into the pit of his stomach.

It hit him just how quiet the loft was when he was the only one home. He had no choice but to succumb to his thoughts, which were all centered on how utterly horrific the previous night had been.

As a parent, Rick knew that he should be angry with how Alexis had treated him. He was her father. She had no right to yell at him and say the awful things she did. But, knowing Alexis as well as he did, all he wanted to do was give her a hug. She had never disrespected him before and they had never argued the way they had the night before. Alexis wouldn't act that way unless it was defending something she truly cared about. He respected that. She was worried about him.

Alexis had just witnessed a woman getting shot right in front of her. This had been her first real brush with mortality. Surely she knew that people died (she had been to funerals of her grandparents on her mother's side and read all of her father's books) but she had never been close enough (as Beckett had once said) to see the lights go out. And it had been Kate who had nearly died, a woman who she respected and gotten advice from and had conversations with. It wasn't like watching someone get shot in a movie or on television; there were no last words, no valiant last act of courage. Beckett hit the ground and didn't move. The only sign of life was the mixture of fear and pain present in her eyes, which only Rick had seen.

That look haunted him.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts.

The point was that while Rick appreciated the fact that his daughter was so concerned for his safety, he couldn't ignore the fact that she was wrong. She had given him an ultimatum the night before; Kate, or his family. What Alexis wasn't aware of, was those two things were not mutually exclusive. That part of his heart that had been sectioned off and reserved for people who he would do anything for, previously occupied by his mother and his daughter, had a new addition. Kate was undoubtedly one of the most important people in his life. She was his friend, his inspiration, and he was her partner. But she was in his life, and if he had anything to say about it she would stay there as long as possible. Rick wasn't sure he would be able to function without her in some fashion anymore. Perhaps it was unhealthy, but his happiness was contingent on hers. When they had a fight, he was miserable. When she gave him a secret smile at the precinct, he glowed for the rest of the day. Rick was addicted to the sound of her laugh, the way her eyes smiled when they would banter back and forth.

Alexis had been right about one thing: He would do anything for Kate, if for no other reason than he was hopelessly in love with her.

But Alexis was wrong that she didn't love him back. She had to, right? She had a boyfriend, and she didn't acknowledge any of his advances, but Kate had shared things with Rick that her boyfriend knew absolutely nothing about. If nothing else, she at least trusted him. Kate trusted him enough to believe in his judgment on cases and follow up when he had a hunch about something. Kate had trusted him enough to give him her backup weapon and to have her back. But perhaps most importantly, she trusted him with her mother's memory, which was a part of herself which she had long ago locked away in order to protect herself. If she trusted him so explicitly, then she had to have some sort of love for him somewhere in her heart.

And if she didn't love him, then what was the expression she gave him after he held her and told her he loved her as she was bleeding in his arms. He saw her eyes light up for the briefest second before her eyes fell shut and she lost consciousness. He saw her mouth open slightly as if she was going to try to say something before the pain inevitably became too much.

And he wasn't imagining that, was he? There were other moments that proved that she loved him, right?

What about when they had been stuck in the freezer and she had touched his face and started to admit something before she lost the battle to stay awake? _I just wanted to tell you how much I lo-… _How many words can possibly be used to complete that sentence, when the most obvious was "love"?

And what about the second time they kissed? The first time, he had caught her by surprise. She hadn't been expecting it. That was obvious by the look in her eyes that he saw when he pulled back. But then her expression changed and she leaned right back in and kissed him again. He had thought it was all to keep up the ruse, and then she moaned into his mouth and felt her hands in his hair and he forgot his own name. _That_ was not something you do to keep up pretenses. You don't kiss someone like that if you don't feel anything for them. There was something there; something that was bubbling under the surface that was driving her as crazy as he was driving himself.

Was it so ridiculous to assume that something could be love?

Rick was so caught up in his own thoughts that he hadn't heard the door open.

He simultaneously heard the sound of heels and a dramatic gasp, instantaneously snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Oh my goodness," he heard his mother say, "What on Earth is this?"

He then watched his mother walked into the kitchen, completely oblivious to his presence until she looked up from the ground and saw him. She gasped and dramatically clutched her hand over her heart.

"Richard!" She breathed, "What are you doing here?"

Rick, still not feeling quite like himself, tried to act normal, "Well mother, I have been known to live here from time to time."

Martha gave him a look, "You know what I mean. I figured you'd still be at the hospital."

Rick shrugged.

Martha jumped on it, "Ah, I knew it. What happened?"

Rick shrugged again.

Martha, however, wasn't having any of that. "Oh no," she said, grabbing his hand and leading him to sit on one of the barstools in the kitchen, "I'm your mother, and you're going to tell me why you're standing in the kitchen looking like you just got back from hell with a cold cup of coffee and a shattered lamp in the living room."

Rick sighed, deciding it was better to answer her than try to play these games right now. "Kate and I got into an argument last night about her safety. Her heart rate got to high and the doctors told me not to come back until at least today. I got home and then Alexis and I had a fight about _my _safety. There was yelling, and screaming, and I may have lashed out and shoved the lamp off the table. I fell asleep on the couch…" Rick ran his hand through his hair and sighed again. "Can I ask you a question, Mother?"

Martha grabbed one of Rick's hands and held it on his knee. "Of course."

"Do you think you can be blinded by love?"

"Richard, if people weren't blinded by love, single women my age wouldn't stand a chance," she joked.

Rick shook his head quickly, "No, I'm serious. Do you think it's possible to love someone too much?"

Martha looked into her son's eyes and saw the conflicting emotions run through them, no doubt caused by two of the most important women in his life. She took a moment and thought about it before answering.

"No," she said decidedly, "I don't think it's possible to love someone too much."

He nodded as if accepting her answer. Then he whispered his next words so softly she almost missed them.

"Alexis said she couldn't ever love me back."

After Martha registered who the "she" was, it took her a moment to overcome her shock. Alexis had said that? The gravity of the fight finally settled on Martha. For Alexis to sink to that level, she must have been furious. It was completely out of character. Alexis was always one of the main supporters of Rick's relationship with the detective. Looking at the broken man in front of her, she knew just how much those words had been tormenting him.

"Richard," Martha murmured, "Alexis didn't mean that. It's obvious that that woman cares about you a great deal."

Martha meant it. One only had to stand in a room with the two of them for two minutes and they could see that there was something pulling them together. It was there in the glances they shot at each other when they didn't think anyone was looking. It was there in the way their eyes lit up when the other did something charming. It was there in the arguments they constantly had over the others safety. The two of them complemented each other in a way that Martha had never seen.

Martha continued.

"That woman," she said slowly, "is a part of your heart as much as Alexis and I are. There is no way you could leave her now. Do I think you're in over your head? Possibly…"

Rick lowered his gaze to his lap. Martha took her free hand and lifted it to cup his cheek in a tender and motherly way.

"But…" she continued, forcing her son to return his gaze back to her eyes, "I would be lying if I said that I don't think it's worth the risk. I've seen you with a lot of women, Richard. I've seen you be charming, and sweet, and suave… But I've never seen you be truly _you _with anyone other than that detective. It may not be easy, and you may have to put up a hell of a fight," She whispered, giving him a small smile, "but if you never try you'll never know."

The two of them sat in silence for a moment, letting Martha's words sink in. A minute passed and Martha squeezed Rick's hand again before letting out a deep breath. "Now," she said determinedly, "you're going to go upstairs, shower, _shave_, and get into some fresh clothes while I clean up this mess…" she gestured towards the living room before looking back at Rick, "I believe you have somewhere else you'd rather be."

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><p>Alright, that's the first time I've tried to write a MarthaxRick scene. I really hope I did her justice.<br>**Love it? Hate it? **Happy I'm continuing? Think I'm a pushover? **Let me know what you think.**


	4. The Advice

Alright, so I was planning to have this chapter out before midnight tonight. And I might've done it... but then there was an earthquake and it kind of really freaked me out and my muse was apparently really scared and wouldn't come back to me for a few hours after it happened. In case you were wondering, I'm fine. Everyone's fine. It was just... very unexpected and kind of unnerving for someone who lives hundreds of miles away from the nearest active fault.

I also wanted to give a quick mention to **purplangel** to let you know how much I appreciated your message. It may or may not have made me cry... I keep trying to come up with some eloquent response to tell you how happy it made me but I just can't find the words. Thank you so much.

Anyway... without further ado, here's the 4th chapter of _The Silence_.

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><p>The first thing Kate felt in the morning were the tears that were dried onto her face. The dried tears left invisible lines down her cheeks that cracked at every slight shift in her facial muscles. She began to move her hands to try to rub the sleep out of her eyes, but the movement caused a sharp pain that made her release a small hiss of pain. She lowered her arms back down to her side and took some deep breaths.<p>

Kate realized that her wound hurt more this morning than it had the previous night. She could only assume that her emotional breakdown the night before had something to do with it.

She wasn't sure how long she had stayed up, sobbing all alone in her hospital room. Kate knew that she was supposed to get some sleep, but there was no controlling her tears once they started.

However, before she could completely lose herself in her thoughts of the night before, the nurse that had been on shift when Alexis had shown up bustled into Kate's hospital room with a concerned smile plastered on her face.

"Hey there, sweetie." The graying nurse said, checking Kate's chart, "feeling any better?"

Kate nodded, "Yes, much better…" Kate's words were cut off as she hissed in pain.

The nurse had moved around to the side of the bed and started to move Kate into a sitting position. The nurse, hearing her pain, gave her a sympathetic yet stern look that clearly said '_don't you dare lie to me_.'

Kate sighed, her chest still throbbing. Her voice was barely audible, "It hurts a little bit more than it did yesterday."

"I bet it does…" the nurse said, moving around to the monitors on the other side of Kate's bed. She had quickly learned that Kate was not someone you generally had to mince words around. The Detective wanted to know everything regarding her recovery and her injuries, so she let the words slip off her tongue, "… After all the shaking you were doing last night. We tried everything we could think of to calm you down but nothing was working. We eventually had to sedate you to get you to go to sleep. Doc was afraid you were going to rip out your stitches." The nurse gave Kate's monitors a nod and looked back at Kate. "I'm going to go get the Doctor so he can check you out and make sure everything's alright."

Kate nodded numbly, and the nurse promptly left the room, leaving Kate once again alone with her thoughts.

People had come into the room after Alexis had left? She had no idea. She had been so overcome by her emotions that she didn't even realize other people were in the room with her. She felt her cheeks begin to heat up. _That_ did not happen to her. Katherine Beckett _never _lost composure and if she did, she made sure she could hide it. Kate clenched her fists. She swore to herself a long time ago that no one was ever going to see her break down.

When had everything spun so completely out of control?

She knew the answer immediately: everything changed the moment she approached Richard Castle at his book party three years ago.

Before then, Kate had been in total control of herself. She managed to hide the fact that she was hurting on the inside and funnel it into her work. She surrounded her disappointment and anger with a wall of stone and projected nothing but determination and drive.

She had to be strong to keep what was left of her broken family together. Kate couldn't afford to wallow in her own grief because she was too busy trying to pull her father out of his own. And she managed. Kate got herself into therapy to try and fix what was broken in her life. She learned to live with her pain. She learned to move on. At least, that's what she told herself. What she really did was become apathetic.

And then Richard Castle entered her life and all the feelings she had long ago suppressed bubbled back to the surface and seeped out of her pores. At first, she constantly felt annoyed by her constant shadow. She couldn't bite back the agitation quick enough to hide it. And Rick Castle knew exactly what he was doing to her. He teased her mercilessly, always having a witty comeback for anything she said.

But soon things changed.

Instead of feeling constantly annoyed at Rick, she began to feel content. His presence in the seat next to her desk became a welcome addition to her precinct life. She would banter right back and knock him off balance and she felt as though her smiles were once again becoming genuine. They would flirt and tease each other and generally just have fun together. It wasn't awkward anymore. It became comfortable.

Before she knew it, those feelings evolved again.

Somewhere over the course of their time together, everything became so much more serious than she had ever intended them to be. She kept forgiving him whenever he hurt her because she wanted him to be there in her life. The subtle glances lasted longer, the flirting had a newfound edge underneath it, and the trust they began to have in each other rivaled the trust that Kate had only put in her mother. Somewhere along the way, their friendship turned into a partnership. Somehow, comfortable transformed into secure.

With Castle, she felt important. With Rick, she felt safe.

_I'm not the only one he's willing to die for anymore_.

Alexis' words circled through her head, her heart momentarily speeding up the same way it had the night before.

That was the whole issue right?

Rick and Kate had insinuated themselves so deeply into each other's lives that the need to protect each other was second nature. If one of them saw the other in any sort of immediate danger, their only priority became to get the other one out of there safely, regardless of their own safety. It's why Rick didn't think twice about staying in the city with her while he sent his mother and daughter away from a dirty bomb; he didn't want her to face any of that alone. It's why she hadn't thought twice about shooting Dick Coonan the moment he aimed his gun at her partner; even then losing Castle wasn't an option. He held her while they were freezing to death, came up with a ruse that saved not only her life but Ryan and Esposito's as well, and beat up a trained assassin with his bare fist before he was going to shoot her.

He tried to take a bullet for her.

_If you don't care about him then stop being so damn selfish and let him go._

Kate took a deep breath and let it out slowly, taking satisfaction in the slight discomfort it caused in her chest.

Kate was fully aware the Rick would do almost anything for her. He'd proved that on multiple occasions. But the problem was that Kate let him. She let him get away with putting himself in danger to take care of her, knowing full well that Rick had a daughter he needed to go home to every night. She knew how much it would devastate Alexis if she lost her father so young, especially since he was the only person in her life that had consistently been there for her.

Kate had made a promise to herself as soon as she found out Rick had a daughter. She swore to herself that she was never going to put Castle in a situation where she couldn't protect him. Kate made a vow that she was never going to allow Alexis to become a victim of uncertainty and murder like she had been. She was never going to tell her that her father wasn't ever coming home again.

And yet he was still in her life, standing in front of dirty bombs holding her hand, being stuck in freezers trying the keep her alive, and trying to push her out of the way of speeding bullets.

She was breaking her promise daily.

Kate was so surprised when she felt a hand fall on her shoulder, she almost jumped. She quickly snapped her eyes up and met the concerned gaze of her doctor. The pink quickly made its way back onto her cheeks. She had spaced out. _Again_.

"Good morning, Detective." Her doctor said kindly.

"Good morning," she responded quietly.

The doctor, clearly sensing that she wasn't up for talk, removed his hand from her shoulder. He took a deep breath, pulled a pair of rubber gloves out of his pocket and snapped them on. "Well then," he said, infusing optimism into his voice, "Let's get you all checked out so you don't have to see me again until dinner."

Kate smiled slightly at her doctor's attempt at humor, but it didn't reach her eyes. She couldn't stop thinking.

_I want my Dad to be there when I graduate high school and college._

The doctor lifted her wrist and checked her pulse.

_I want my dad to walk me down the aisle and dance with me on my wedding day._

She felt the cold metal of the stethoscope press into her back as the doctor listened to her breath.

_I want my dad to help me raise my kids the same way he raised me._

Kate felt the doctor press a new bandage over her vicious, red stitches.

_And he can't do that if he's dead._

"Alright, Detective," the doctor said, taking off his gloves. "You're all set for the day. Luckily you didn't pull out any stitches last night, but you came close. They'll probably be a little more tender today…" He paused for a moment, "there's a man in the waiting room who wants to see you. You feeling up to it?"

Kate, nodded numbly, assuming the man was Castle. They needed to talk about what happened, no matter how badly she wanted to ignore the conversation.

"Alright, I'll send him in," the doctor said, he began to walk out of her room. "Take it easy, Detective Beckett."

Kate glared at his retreating form. As if she was going to be doing anything physically demanding being stuck in this hospital bed.

Kate was still glaring at the door when a form emerged from the other side. It was, however, not the man she expected to see this morning.

"Hey, Katie," Jim Beckett said cheerfully, moving closer to his daughter's bedside. He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.

Kate gave her father a small smile, truly happy that he was here. Jim sat down in the empty chair next to her bed and they sat for a moment in silence.

"Alright…" Jim finally said, grabbing her hand. "What's wrong?"

"What makes you think something's wrong?" she asked as innocently as possible.

"Your smile's not the same," he said. He paused for a minute and gave her a smile, "And you haven't asked me what I'm doing here yet."

Kate didn't have to know that the nurses had already informed him about his daughter's episode the night before while he was out in the waiting room. He knew his daughter, and didn't want her to stress out about the fact that news of her breakdown was common knowledge in the whole ICU.

Kate almost rolled her eyes at her father's comment, but she quickly realized by the look in his eyes that he was not going to let it go like he normally would.

"Rick and I had an argument last night…" she said quietly, avoiding eye contact with her father. "… About my safety. It got him kicked out of the hospital. And then…" she took a deep breath, "Alexis stopped by later that night, and told me to stop 'leading Castle on.' She told me to stop being so selfish and let him go back to being her dad."

Kate caused for a moment, moisture forming in the corner of her eyes without her consent. But she wouldn't cry again. She would not allow herself to lose control in front of her father.

"She's right," she finally whispered. "I'm being so selfish with him, Dad. I always want him around and I shouldn't…"

"That's because you care about him, Katie."

She knew she should try to fight it, but she couldn't anymore. She did care about him. She cared more than she liked to admit. But she knew she shouldn't. That was the problem. It was becoming harder and harder to fight the reason she had given herself to fight her feelings; they worked together, she had a boyfriend, he was just wanted her for the challenge. She was lying to herself and she knew it, but that didn't mean she was going to give in. They worked well just the way they were. Kate wasn't willing to lose what they already have. She wasn't sure she'd be able to deal with it.

She hated herself for that.

She shook her head slightly to clear her head and went back to the conversation at hand.

"I know that he's in danger, Dad. I know it and I let him stay anyway when my life is none of his concern."

"Katie, if you think you're going to be able to keep that man out of your life, you're sadly mistaken."

She ignored the butterflies that threatened to fly away in her stomach.

"This is my job. Not his. It isn't his fight, Dad."

"Katie…" he said firmly, "that man cares about you. You're going to have a hell of a time trying to get him to back down. He's almost as stubborn as you are."

"He has a family, Dad. A daughter and a mother who would be absolutely devastated if he never came home again."

"And you don't?" His voice was calm and soft and it completely disarmed any retort she was planning to make. If there was one thing about being in the hospital, she realized just how big her family was when the entire precinct gang plus the Castle clan were camped out in the waiting room until she woke up. They all cared about her just as she cared about them.

Jim continued, "Do you remember when your mother used to have 'family' dinners. She'd spend all afternoon cooking and we'd set the table for three people and she would say we needed at least five more table settings or else we wouldn't all fit? She'd invite our friends and our neighbors and coworkers to eat with us. She used to say…"

"Your real family members are the people you aren't related to, but chose to eat their meals with you anyway. I remember…" Kate said.

Jim nodded. He knew she would remember, "What I'm trying to say is that family cares more about you than you seem to realize or care to admit, and you care about them, too."

Kate dipped her head and gnawed on her lower lip.

Jim squeezed her hand, "I think it's time for you to finally accept what has been staring at you for quite some time now." Jim leaned forward and, with his free hand, gently tilted her head so they were looking in each others eyes. "It's time to jump into life."

She gave her father a small smile at the use of one of her Mother's old lines. Johanna was always telling Kate that in order to live a fulfilling life, you just had to take a deep breath and jump in, risks and all.

Kate was about to reply when she heard a soft knock on the door. Both Jim and Kate looked up in surprise and stared at the door.

Rick was hovering in the doorway, looking clean-shaven and put together and anything but well rested. He broke the silence first.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled quietly. "I'll come back…"

Jim shook his head. He gave Kate's hand an extra squeeze and stood up, "I was just about to leave anyway. I have a meeting with my sponsor in a little bit." Jim leaned down and kissed Kate on the forehead. With his lips still pressed against her forehead, he whispered so only she could hear, "Take a deep breath… and jump."

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><p>I'm sorry the beginning seems so choppy. You can clearly tell what point in writing I was at when my entire house started shaking. hahahaha<br>As always, **Love it? Hate it? **Have any interesting earthquake stories? **Let me know what you think.**


	5. The Truth

Well, here it is! The end of _The Silence_. I think it's now official that I cannot carry on a multi-chapter fic. I struggle so hard, hahaha.  
>It's currently 3:30 in the morning, and I wanted to try to knock this out because Hurricane Irene is supposed to hit sometime tomorrow (my school cancelled move-in day... so I'm stuck at home <em>alone<em> for another weekend) and they're calling for major power outages. I figured I'd try to squeeze this in before then because I don't know when it will come back (if it even goes out to begin with. It probably will... but who knows?)

I hope this leaves you at least the tiniest bit satisfied.

Now, go! Read!

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><p>After exchanging a whispered "I love you" with his daughter, Jim quickly shrugged on his light sport coat and excused himself from the room. With his back turned to Kate, he gave Rick a friendly smile. Rick gave a small smile back, but it didn't even come close to shining through his eyes like Jim knew it was capable of (when Kate had woken up, the first person she asked for was Castle, and Jim could've sworn the sun was hiding behind Rick's eyes the way they lit up when he heard her say his name).<p>

Jim suppressed a sigh and gave Rick a familiar clap on the shoulder as he walked by. Rick nodded at the man, but his gaze had returned back to the woman sitting in the hospital bed in front of him.

Rick registered the door clicking closed behind him and they were alone, the only sound interrupting the silence being the machines that proved that Kate was still alive and breathing.

He wasn't sure how long they simply stared at each other without speaking, each of them lost in their own thoughts, thought unbeknownst to both of them their thoughts were along the same line.

_I can't lose her, _he thought_, not now. Not like this_.

_I can't lose him, _she thought_, but what about Alexis?_

Rick finally to a deep breath and moved slowly into hospital room. He didn't stop approaching until he reached her bedside, where she looked up at him with eyes filled with what he was assumed was fear.

He hated this. She looked so small and defeated lying there in that hospital bed in front of him. He just wanted to take her hand and run to a place where murder didn't exist and there weren't any people who wanted to take him away from her. He wanted to lock her away in a tower so nothing could ever hurt her again.

He wanted to protect her. He wanted to save her.

He also knew that that wasn't possible. She was strong, and stubborn, and the bravest woman he had ever met and there was no way she would let him take care of her. If he was a white knight on a brilliant white steed with a sword gleaming on his hip, Kate was a warrior on the ground, fighting off the enemy with a rusted sword even though she's bleeding.

As long as Kate was alive, she'll keep fighting. She's not going to back down from this.

Which is exactly why he can't leave her. Not now. Not ever.

Rick looked at Kate, as if he was memorizing every centimeter of her face. He looked at her eyes, tired and out of focus. He waited, content to just let his eyes absorb every detail of the woman in front of him. He wasn't sure if he was ever going to get the chance to again.

Kate's mind was running a mile a minute. She knew that this conversation had to happen but she wasn't ready. She didn't know what to say. He looked so exhausted.

She hated this. She hated knowing that she was the reason for that haunted look that was present in his eyes. She did this to him. All the fighting, all the cases, and now her getting shot had done this to him. He looked so much older than he had just a few months before. The dark circles that used to appear only occasionally under his eyes before seemed much more prevalent. He looked more serious. He looked… harder, for lack of a better word. He looked as though he had faced death.

Her heart tightened in her chest because indeed he had faced death. He'd seen the lives of family and friends destroyed by murder; he'd been in more life and death situations than she cared to admit; he'd seen the lights go out.

He wasn't the same man he was three years ago.

Which is exactly why she couldn't let him do this anymore. She couldn't be responsible for destroying him like that.

Kate, realizing she had zoned out, redirected her attention to Castle, who was focused intently on her. She nearly blushed at the look he was giving her. Kate wanted to look away, but she knew that she couldn't. She needed to be strong. She needed to do this.

When he realized that her eyes had finally focused on him again, he shifted slightly. Clearing his throat, he spoke first.

"Hey," he said quietly, the writer in him cursing him in disgust for his lack of originality.

She gave him a small smile in return, "Hi."

A second of awkward silence fell between them.

"How are you feeling?" he asked quickly, shooting a glance at the monitors on the opposite side of the bed.

She swallowed. She felt like there was a demon in her chest threatening to rip its way out of her skin. With every breath she took it felt like someone was stabbing her repeatedly in the chest. Every inch of her body ached.

"I'm fine," she answered.

He didn't believe her. She knew it.

Gingerly, Rick moved to sit down in the uncomfortable arm chair that found its home beside the hospital bed. Kate broke eye contact.

"How are you?" she asked.

"Fine," he answered.

She didn't believe him. He knew it.

They sat there in silence for a moment, both Kate and Rick trying to figure out how to address the elephant in the room. Rick wasn't sure whether he should just open his mouth and let the words spew out uncontrollably or if he should approach the topic carefully. He assumed she would want to get right down to the issue at hand, not listen to pretty words trying to disguise such a hideous topic.

He opened his mouth to speak, intending to apologize profusely for the things he said the night before and let her know that he had no intention of letting her fight this alone. However, before any words could form on his tongue, he heard Kate speak, her voice so soft he almost missed it.

"What are we doing, Rick?"

Everything Rick had planned to say escaped him as he heard her words. He knew that tone. He hated that tone. She was shutting down. She was pushing him away.

He was going to have to plan his words carefully.

"We're fixing us." He said, projecting a confidence through his words that he didn't feel anywhere in his body.

Kate thanked the heavens that she didn't have a measurable reaction. _Us_. The word simultaneously sent a thrill through her and had fear coursing through her veins.

He continued, "I'm sorry. I said some things last night that I shouldn't have. I was out of line. And…" Rick leaned forward and grasped her hand gently. She didn't pull away, "… I'm not willing to let you go."

Kate took a shaky breath, embarrassed by how he was affecting her. She knew that she had to be strong. But the sincerity in his voice made her chest ache a little less and the warmth of his hand was a welcome alternative to the cool sheets.

At her lack of response, he gave her hand a quick squeeze. "I'm not willing to let you do this on your own anymore." He said.

"Castle, this isn't your fight," Kate said immediately.

"The hell it isn't," he said calmly, but firmly. "It's personal now. And not just for me, but for Ryan and Esposito and even Lanie, too."

"It doesn't…"

Rick cut her off, his tone tinged with underlying anger. He looked her directly in the eye. "They tried to kill you, Kate. They had someone shoot you at Montgomery's funeral to send a message. Whoever is behind this almost took you away from us forever and I'm not okay with that."

Kate thought of the conversation she had just had with her father. They _were_ all in too deep already. She wouldn't be able to talk any of them out of helping her now the same way they wouldn't have been able to stop her if the situation had been reversed. They were all-in because this guy tried to take out one of their own and that was unacceptable.

Still, she tried to make him see why she couldn't let him do this. "It's too dangerous. Think about Alexis… and your mother."

His eyes unfocused for a moment and Kate knew that he was imagining the fight that Alexis had told her they had the night before.

"Don't make me have to tell them that you aren't coming home, Rick."

Rick sighed and decided to tell her the truth. "Alexis and I had a fight last night. It got… It wasn't pretty. I haven't talked to her since last night." He used his free hand and brought it up to rub it across his eyes. He tapped his foot up and down for a moment, trying to formulate his thoughts. He looked at Kate, her eyes shining with sympathy and… was that guilt? He ignored it for the moment and went on. "She's scared; scared that she's going to lose me. This was her first real moment of when she began to question mortality… specifically mine…" he trailed off, not sure whether or not he should say his next thought. He took a deep breath and went for it, "She asked how many other times I've almost died while following you. She saw that I tried to push you out of the way… and she knows that I would do it again in a heartbeat."

Kate's eyes hadn't left Castle since he started speaking. She knew most of that, of course. Alexis had told her herself the night before. Kate contemplated telling Castle that Alexis had come to see her, but decided that what had happened the night before between the two of them should stay that way: between the two of them. From the sounds of it, the fight between Rick and Alexis had been much more volatile than the one between Alexis and herself. Alexis had managed to get her point across while still managing to maintain an air of respect for the healing Detective. And she knew that Castle wouldn't understand. The fears that Alexis had expressed to her the previous night were things only a daughter would understand. After all, she had raised the same points when she finally confronted her father about his drinking. It was then that she realized Rick was still talking.

"… so I'm going to talk with her when she gets home after school. She deserves to know that you are an important part of my life, just like she is. We're partners, Kate. I don't know what I'd do without you. But, in some aspects she's right Kate…" he paused, knowing he was about to cross some invisible line, "I have to know what you want. I want… I _need_ to hear what you want from me."

Kate once again thought back to the conversation she had just had with her father. _It's time to jump into life_. Kate found her mind drifting towards thoughts of a life with Richard Castle; thoughts she had more often than she'd like to actually admit (particularly when she was asleep). Every single time Kate came to the same conclusion: he belonged in her life. Whether that was strictly professional or something more, she realized that a life without Rick Castle was no longer a life she was interested in living. He knew her better than anyone else and yet he still wanted to be a part of her life. He kept her smiling and laughing and it seemed as though the night lasted a little longer in a world without Castle.

Her father's reiteration of her mother's advice echoed in her head.

_Take a deep breath… and jump._

She wasn't ready to jump completely. She knew that. After all, she was still with Josh, and no matter what sorts of issues they were having, she wasn't going to declare herself to another man. She had enough respect for Josh to end things first, and if she was being completely honest with herself, she had a feeling the end was closing in on them (and she had her suspicions it would happen when they finally talked about the fight he started with Castle).

"I want…" Kate started, her voice lowering to a whisper. Rick leaned in slightly to hear her voice better. This was it. She wasn't capable of jumping just yet, but she wanted to stick her feet in. She was ready to at least test the water. She took a deep breath, swallowing the fear and looking straight into his eyes, "I want you here."

Kate saw Rick's eyes light up, a small smile gracing his lips. He knew how significant that was for Kate to admit. "Then 'here' is exactly where I'll be."

She gave him a small smile back and subtly held his hand a little tighter. He felt it, and his smile grew infinitesimally.

And then, for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, the silence that fell around them was comfortable.

* * *

><p>There you have it!<br>This chapter hated me so much... I just could not get it to go where I wanted it to.  
>Thank you to everyone who has reviewedalerted/favorited this story. I truly never expected you all to be so wonderful.

To everyone on the east coast like myself who is in Hurricane Irene's path... please stay safe. You're all in my thoughts.

Now, as always: **Love it? Hate it? Let me know what you think!**


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